A common observation by visiting foreigners is that Japanese women are always so perfectly coiffed, dressed and made up. This is true. They are extremely fashion conscious — though sometimes it’s a very skewed sense of fashion (e.g. skirt over jeans, polka dots on polka dots, clashing patterns, Wicked Witch of the West type color combinations).

My point, however, is not about their sense of fashion. It’s that some of them only care about looking beautiful for whoever they’re seeing because I see women doing their make up all the time on trains. And I’m not talking about a quick application of lipstick or a powdering of the nose. I’m talking about eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, and blush. The works. I once saw a woman spend 20 minutes on the train doing her make up.

She might have gotten on the train as a hag (ok, I’m exaggerating here) but she got off perfectly made up.

My husband has been studying Japanese since we’ve arrived last November. Fortunately for him, he’s got a knack for languages and is already better than many “gaijin” (foreigners) who’ve been here for a lot longer than he has. Unfortunately for me, he’s getting dangerous and using his abilities for my maximum embarassment.

Today, on the way home from our hair appointments, we saw a guy sitting on a lawnchair on the sidewalk of a busy Harajuku street, counting something. If you saw a nerdy-looking guy engaged in such odd behavior, you’d probably leave him alone. Not my husband. He goes up to him to ask what he’s doing. (For the curious, he was counting the number of cars going by. Works for the government or something)

The other day, we saw a couple dogs wearing fishnets on their heads. It was the oddest spectacle, but again, most people would probably leave the owner, who must surely be eccentric, alone. Not my husband. He chases the guy down, “compliments” him on the dogs and asks if he could take their picture. Sheesh.

I pretend I don’t know him.

I was on my way to my hair appointment in Harajuku, walking from the JR station down Takeshita Dori, the main shopping drag. It only takes about 10 minutes to walk down it to the main road near my salon, but what an entertaining walk it was.

As soon as I step off the train, I almost run into two girls who are dressed up as gothic French maids or French gothic maids. The next sight that greeted me was a woman with a Louis Vitton bag that was being dragged back to one of the shops for shoplifting. The shoplifter had a look of defiance. The young part-time female worker, who caught her, seemed so calm it made you wonder if it happens often. I was dying of curiosity to find out what the woman stole, but I was unfortunately running late and couldn’t linger.

Still, it did make me pay more attention to the shops that lined Takeshita Dori and that turned out to be quite rewarding.

Here’s a sampling of their names:
Gothic & Lolita
Woody Doll
Lip Tip
Cannibals
Sex Pot Revenge
Gal Fit

Most of these are clothing shops and don’t have anything to do with the name of the stores, but if I didn’t know anything, I would get some pretty wrong ideas of what they sold in these shops.

A colleague of mine just returned from a ten-hour trip to North Korea with the Japanese prime minister. He brought back taffy for the office, inviting brave souls to try them.

Seeing that this is probably my only chance to try something from North Korea (under the current regime anyway), I took one. My guess was that candy from a country that can’t afford to feed its people can’t be good. On the other hand, they probably use the best ingredients they’ve got for candy that is meant for foreigners to take home.

The verdict? It was pretty awful. It actually didn’t taste that bad at first. The base ingredient is apparently rice and it seemed like it was flavored with molassas or maybe a sweet potato. They’ve got something similar in Japan called tankiri, but it clearly wasn’t because it had a weird aftertaste.

My colleague told me later he purchased it at the hotel that they were taken to upon arrival. He’d been there one time before. On the last trip, he’d bought fried rice crackers that were so oily that the grease leaked through the plastic bag they were in.

Generous man that he is, he didn’t touch either of his purchases, saving them for curious colleagues like myself. If anyone wants to try the candy, let me know.

Anyone, who has been to Japan, knows never to buy tissues. If you need a small package to carry around, you go to any major train station and there will be several people there shoving tissues with advertisements in your face.

Actually I once heard that their trick is to shove them at people`s chests, because women especially will take whatever is handed to them in self-defense.

My mom had an opportunity this past weekend to watch people on the streets from a train station platform. She reports that young people never accept tissues, while older women almost always do. Older men actually go up to the guys and ask for several.

I’m not sure what that makes me since I take a tissue only when I need one.

On Friday, I visited a certain mid-sized company for a story. When I arrived, they led me to a small meeting room, which had a couple signs posted with very specific instructions for the use of the room.

One of the signs simply asked users to make sure they clear their trash before they leave. The other was instructions for how to conduct a meeting.

Among the points:
- The presenter shall be well prepared before the meeting.
- The attendees shall not give an opinion until they have listened to all of the presenter’s points.
- Meetings should last no longer than an hour.
- The presenter shall not prepare any extra material.

I have no clue ast to why a presenter shouldn’t prepare any extra material (waste of paper maybe?), but Japan is definately a country that likes instructions.

The instructions in the bathroom stall of the 100 yen shop I went to yesterday went on and on, including don’t throw gum in the toilet, don’t smoke, don’t take up the bathroom for a long time by using the stall to change, use the bathroom cleanly, etc. etc…

At the souffle restaurant I frequent, they pass out little sheets with instructions for how to eat your souffle. It says right at the top: “Please do not leave your seat while waiting for your souffle because we would like you to enjoy it hot.”

It can seem like a very bossy country to me at times.

The United States might have invented the dollar store, but Japan has taken it to a whole new level, as they are wont to do with just about everything. Actually it’s Daiso Sangyo that has taken it to a new level.

Imagine four floors of items from food to stationary, pet stuff, kitchen and bath goods, and even some clothes that are ALL 100 yen each. And it’s decent stuff. Daiso apparently can sell items cheap because they get things in bulk. They also have companies in China make a lot of the make up and other items that they then sell as Daiso products.

My mom and I spent a fun hour at the store in Harajuku. We browsed for awhile in the cosmetics section, where my mom picked up a few items to take home for my sisters and a base coat nail polish that you can peel off. We moved on to the kitchen section, where my mom bought little cookbooks and I bought four sake glasses and disposable tea filters. I was tempted to buy Japanese style place mats that were dyed in indigo, but I resisted. We saw people buying cases of packing tape, lightbulbs, tissues, and other stuff.

I really could’ve used one of these stores when I was getting married and putting together little welcome bags for all of our out-of-town guests. I don’t remember how much, but I definately spent more than I intended. The bags alone seemed like they cost a small fortune. If we had a Daiso in Chicago, I could’ve put together a really fun package for under $5 a guest!

I hear Daiso recently went international with a store in Vancouver. I think I’ll start lobbying for one in Chicago next.

People, who know me, know that I read and watch a lot of junk. Right now, most of it consists of Japanese television, which by all accounts can be very silly.

Even so, there’s one special that I’m particularly looking forward to in July. They get two Japanese cab drivers to take a celebrity customer from Argentina to New York in a Japanese cab. At the end of the trip, they actually calculate out how much the fare was.

They did one previously where a father and son, who were both cabbies, took a celebrity from the western part of Japan to London by way of China and Russia. It was the oddest thing to see a Japanese cab plow through muddy roads in China to end up in the streets of London. It was also funny to see them ask for permission at each border to drive their cab with a Japanese license plate through the host country.

Imagine trying to explain to a customs agent at the Chinese-Russian border how a cab from Japan happens to be taking a customer on a trip through Russia, when you can’t speak English or Russian.

In the show in July, the cab is supposed to go from Argentina to New York through Brazil, Venezuela, Panama, Costa Rica, Mexico, and the southern part of the United States. If you see a foreign cab driving around with three Asians and a television crew, don’t forget to say hi.

The Prime Minister of Japan had a word with some freshmen parliamentary members about a week ago.

He told them not to read manga (comic books) or use their cell phones while parliament is in session. Apparently he could see everything from his seat, which faces everyone.

There’s one thing the Japanese always say by way of an explanation when this sort of thing comes to light: “Japan is such a peaceful country.”

Too bad the world isn’t.

(Thank you Patrick)

Japan right now is up in arms over recent statements made by the Crown Prince, criticizing the Imperial Household Agency about its poor treatment of his wife, Crown Princess Masako.

In a nutshell, the Prince told the agency which controls their lives to back off, accusing them of trying to negate his wife’s career and personality. Apparently, the agency feels the Princess’ main duty right now is to produce a male heir (the couple has one 3 year old daughter), and they had been putting tremendous pressure on her, going as far as to prohibit her from making overseas trips because they were a distraction. It’s probably the first time that any royal family has so publicly criticized the agency.

I can only imagine how bad things really were for the Princess to provoke such statements from the Prince. Princess Masako is a worldly Harvard and Tokyo University grad, who had a career as a diplomat, before she wed. Overseas trips are probably like a breathe of fresh air for her.

Shortly after the statements were made, the Prince left by himself to attend the wedding of the century in Denmark. I wonder if I’m the only one to find irony in the fact that the Prince went by himself to the fairytale royal wedding in Denmark, while his own fairytale wedding with “a commoner” has led to so many hardships for his wife.

The mosquito gods must have been working through my husband because as soon as I put up my previous blog entry, he tossed the anti-bug device out. We might as well put out the welcome mat for the mosquitos now. Why not set a pail of water out too, so they have some place to lay their eggs?

I guess the cancer joke went a little too far because he took it seriously. Both my mom and my ever helpful colleagues say the amount of chemicals in the device is negligible, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Apparently the really harmful anti-bug device is the portable one you can carry with you on hiking trips.

Anyway, I’m back to square one. Me and the mosquitos. Apparently, there are insect repellent plants that you can buy. Some people swear by them. Others scoff at them. We shall see.

If they don’t work, we’re turning on the air conditioner.

To combat my previous problem with mosquitos, my helpful colleagues at work suggested I get a bug-killer device that you plug into a wall (I don’t know what you call them in English). You put some sort of anti-bug liquid inside it that is heated and vaporized. Don’t ask me if it’s okay for my health. We’ll find out in 20 years. If Patrick and I both get cancer, then you’ll have your answer and our families can sue Earth Chemical Co Ltd. Yes, they have an English Web site and yes, they are really called that. I suppose their motto could be: “Chemicals that are good for earth.”

Patrick’s theory was that the bug killer has to attract bugs first, so they come close enough to the vapors that kill them. The next thing I know, he has the window open only a tiny crack because he’s convinced we’ll have hoards of mosquitos coming through our bedroom window screens, wanting to partake of the deadly vapor.

Obviously, this is silly. Plus it defeats the purpose of buying the thing in the first place since the entire point is to sleep with the window wide open. It’s not like we wake up to find dead mosquitos everywhere.

My best guess is that the device keeps bugs away. I think Patrick has confused the thing with cockroach hotels or “Gokiburi hoi hoi”, which actually do attract those filthy bugs and trap them in a sticky glue-like substance.

Incidentally, Gokiburi hoi hoi was invented by the same environmentally friendly chemical people at the aforementioned Earth Chemical company. See the company history page on their Web site. It’s listed AFTER they started making bath powder and BEFORE they created the rodent hotel.

At any rate, the electric anti-mosquito device works. I forgot to turn it on last night and I woke with a huge bite on my arm.

Had a perfect tempura dinner Saturday night at our favorite haunt “Yamanoue”, where they serve fish, shrimp and vegetables a piece at a time as they come out of the fryer. Each item is so light that you can hardly believe it’s deep-fried.

Afterwards, we went to Patrick’s favorite “geisen” (Japanese game center) to play his favorite taiko game — you basically bang on drums with two sticks in time to really weird Japanese music. Afterwards, we moved on to Guitar Freaks — a game where you strum in time to really weird music.

There on a small piece of paper was a handwritten sign:
“Please do not smoke while playing”

I guess this must have been a problem.

A friend of mine sent me a link for a recruiting commercial by the Japanese Marine Self Defense Force. He says the only way to truly experience the full effect is to turn the volume all the way up.

The old saying that a picture is worth a thousand words is so cliche but oh so applicable in this case.

When I tried to refer to an executive as “a big drinker” in a profile I was writing, it got vetoed by my editor in the name of saving me from expulsion from Japan (or something).

Apparently, a New York Times reporter recently got expelled from Brazil after he referred to the president as a heavy drinker.

In my defense, I wanted to use the term in a good way to talk about how the executive goes out nightly with his subordinates to socialize and exchange ideas.

One of my favorite sweet shops is Le Souffle in Hiroo. They have about a dozen kinds of souffle in almost every flavor you can think of: chocolate, coffee, rasberry, vanilla, chestnut, mint, grand marnier, etc… It’s a little pricey at 1,000 yen to 1,500 yen each, but totally worth it. My favorite is chestnut.

The drawback: Saturdays can get extremely crowded and the owner is a line Nazi. She has four chairs inside for people who are waiting and if they are full, she politely but firmly asks you to wait in a line outside. That, and the coffee sucks, which is a pity since the place is supposed to be a French cafe.

Seen this afternoon: A wanted sign on the door of a sushi restaurant that read, “Looking for wait staff (woman) who can work from 5pm to 10pm. Japanese only.”

My mother told me once that Japanese airlines used to seek only “good-looking candidates” (their words, not mine) for stewardesses/flight attendants. I’m not sure they require you to provide height, weight and bust size anymore, but I have noticed that JAL and ANA’s female flight attendants are still generally very pretty across the board.

We live in one of a cluster of apartments in what is known as a nicer part of Tokyo. Most people here walk around in brand name clothes, drive expensive cars, and walk little dogs in outfits that probably cost more than anything I own.

In the apartment across from ours, there is one room that I’ve been really curious about. The room is piled almost to the ceiling with papers, boxes and other junk. If you looked out of our balcony, you’d spot it immediately. Apparently, this kind of abode is known as “gomi yashiki” or “garbage mansion” in Japan.

I saw one home on television that was unbelievable. A brother and sister in their 40s lived in a house that was little more than aluminum sheets held together. Inside were boxes, papers, and half-opened packages of food that have been around since god knows when. The kitchen had pots with leftover food from six months ago. The refrigerator had food from two years ago. The bathroom was disgustingly brown. The bathtub was in a state beyond words. An entire season of an interior remodeling show like “Trading Spaces” could be dedicated to this one house alone. The interior decorator/architect, who fixed up this dump, was amazing.

The really unbelievable thing with this house was that when a construction crew tore down a part of the house to redo it, they discovered even more garbage behind a wall, including an old guitar that the brother used to play when he was in middle school! Apparently, when the siblings’ parents hired someone to seal off a storage area, the crew sealed it off without emptying it first.

I’m dying to find out who lives in the gomi yashiki across from us.

There’s a whole genre of television in Japan, in which a group of people are asked to talk about their experiences vis a vis any number of “themes”. Those could be anything from “a lie that you’ve told your friends” to “stupid things that men have said.” This could sound boring, but it’s actually pretty entertaining (at least for me) especially when it’s a group of celebrities or really silly people.

I just finished watching one show called “Koi no karasawagi” or “Much Ado About Love”, where a bunch of women in their 20s are asked questions. In the one I saw, they were asked about their experiences with men, who act or say lame things that seem old-fashioned. The MC is one of my favorite comedians and the women are some of the most idiotic women I’ve seen (probably especially picked for that reason).

One woman talked about her current boyfriend, who likes costume play. For those who don’t know what that is, costume play is when a girl dresses up in a costume for sex. The girl on TV said she had race queen, nurse and school girl outfits at home. Apparently, her gripe with her boyfriend is that when they take photos, he keeps taking pictures of her chest and crotch instead of her face.

The next girl talks about her boyfriend, who tells her (supposedly jokingly) that he wants her breast milk when she asks him if he wants milk in his coffee. If that’s not disgusting enough, she works at a coffee shop, where occasional middle-aged male customers say the same thing. Eew.

With comments like these, who can blame me for being addicted to these shows?

My morning routine lately consists of something that is extremely depressing — I stick a soft Dr. Scholls pad on a corn that seems to be making its home quite comfortably (painfully for me) on the small toe of my right foot. Since there are only 12 in a package, I go through more than 2 packages a month.

It doesn’t seem to matter that I stick to wearing two pairs of very basic, boring shoes, one in black (I recommend Sudini) and the other in brown (bought in Japan with cushioning for about $150). Which is a very sad thing in and of itself for a shoe lover like me. Now, I don’t claim to walk up a hill to the train station both ways, but I am out and about most days at work, visiting offices and rushing to and from press conferences. If this were the U.S., I would get regular pedicures. But in Japan, at 8,000 yen a pop, that’s not a practical option. If I could wear sandals to work, summer would also be something to look forward to, but I’d be surprised if I can do that in a fairly conservative office.

All this basically means that I brought a dozen shoes to Tokyo and I can wear about a quarter of them on a regular basis (including my two pairs of sneakers). How I long for my previous car-centric life in Chicago! Stepping in and out of a car everywhere I go seems like such a luxury! Thank god for the pair of very cool and comfortable pair of black platform flip-flops that my sister sent me a few weeks ago.

I bet you anything that Dr. Scholls makes a killing in this country. Or women, who jam their feet in tiny, high-heeled shoes, have really ugly feet and they hide it.